Recently I have had some major life altering events take place some dealing in love and some dealing with myself and some that I thought would never happen to me and so on. I know that through all of that mess it was my choice at times but not always, others played a role in that, which has led me to where I am now.
I could take the path that would leave me bitter and hateful or I could accept that it happened and maybe was it needed?. I have had some incredible almost impossible I thought experiences in the last month.
I purged my deepest secrets, my façade torn down, sacrificed my needs before others, bared my soul, felt crucified, punished for a crime I didn’t commit and opened my heart truly and for the first time. I want to question the reality of it, analyze the hell out of it and decipher it all as I usually do. Then I take a step back and look at the pattern of these events and realized that this is life, I have over analyzed these situations (as I always do) As I have learned that you cannot control anyone, their heart, their thoughts, their words or actions. You just have to sit on the side and watch as they show you who they really are and watch how the events will unfold. No matter how hard I tried to be angry at the situations, I just can’t.
I have learned let go of the doubt, the insecurities, the pain, the fear, the humiliation and the anger.
I have become ME again, it’s like wearing a new pair of shoes, painful and awkward but at the sometime wonderful and beautiful. So as I sit here looking at the blue skies and thinking of all the memories, the good, the bad, the amazing and the horrific, great times shared, many tears have fallen, some for sadness others for happiness, meeting new friends, staying in touch with friends and reacquainting with old friends that something amazing through all of this has happened and it still is.
“There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” ~ Carl Jung