Let’s Be Honest

Growing up, we were taught by our parents, role models, friends, favorite Romantic Novel, and even society, that when in pursuit of a suitor, we shouldn’t be ourselves. On a first date, we should make small talk and avoid major topics like politics, religion, and even exes. We were taught to not eat our entire meal, or order a salad to maintain our feminity. We were taught to laugh at the man’s jokes, even when you’ve heard them before, or they weren’t all that humorous. We were taught to be flirtatious, but not too revealing. To summarize, we were taught to hold back, and put on a front that men find “attractive” or worthy of their approval and attraction to us.

But here’s what I say… screw that. Soon enough they will open the door to the closet that holds your skeletons, and the whole facade you put on, in the beginning, is destroyed.

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In a generation where everything seems unknown, and no one knows the truth about anything, why not be honest? Why not say what comes to mind without the “impress the man” filter? Why not show all your skeletons upfront so they know what got you to where you are today? Why not talk about touchy subjects and open the table for discussion? And for the love of all things holy, we should order what we want, and eat however much of it as we want.

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I’m a believer and an advocate for the “Brutally Honest” dating method. I believe that we should say what we want to say, expose our weird laugh, tell stories that we find funny, explain our weird theories, talk about our family and where we grew up. Just create an environment where the conversation could go anywhere. Let’s create engaging conversations that expose who we are as people. Let’s talk about who we were, who we are now, and who we want to be. Talk about goals and ambitions. Talk about fears and pet peeves. Talk about your exes. Talk about mistakes you’ve made. Break the rules.

Before we get carried away… I’m not saying to show up in your sweatpants and cuss every other word. Still have class, still, have pride in yourself, and be confident.

I’m not a dating expert. I’m not happily married to the love of my life because I used this method. But,  I have opened my “potential suitors” up a lot in terms of communication. I’ve learned a lot. Some dates became meaningful relationships that taught me so much. And some dates were just first dates only, because I found out many red flags, or they found some issues with me. But you know what? That’s just fine because it saved us both time, money, and emotional investment.

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So women and men too, let’s be ourselves. Let’s show our dates, ourselves, and the world what we are made of. Let’s stop worrying so much about how we should act and what we should say on our first date, and let’s focus on who we are as people. Pay attention to who is sitting across the table. Learn what they have to offer, and learn what makes them tick. Meanwhile, show them what you have to offer. If it doesn’t work out, it’s probably for the best that it ends now. And if it works out, down the road, it’ll be the best thing in the world, because there are no secrets to be discovered, and no room for dishonesty and deceit. Let’s be honest.

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So… am I ready to date?

Catching up on the last couple of days…

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I went to therapy on Tuesday night for my bi-weekly appointment. I’ve been feeling kinda sad and overwhelmed.  She thinks that I’m ready to date again.  But before I elaborate on me being ready to date again, let me say a few things about my going to therapy.  I couldn’t write that sentence without thinking that I would be judged for admitting that I see a therapist, but I think there needs to be more awareness around mental health.  As an extrovert, sometimes I want to be in the limelight of the world but in a second it can feel like too much, and it feels like there’s too much energy being thrown at me to process.  A couple of years ago, I was brutally assaulted and started experiencing a high frequency of anxiety and depression due to the assault. I became a shut in due to my fear of that night, sounds I heard and the not rational fear of “they” will come back. I spent days in my hall closet in fear, that behavior and fear ended up hurting me.  I  suffered from extreme anxiety (especially when it came to men) and I didn’t take care of myself and lost about 45 pounds.  I don’t know how to on some days to deal with the fear,  I should be able to function but some days I just can’t  and what it’s supposed to look like if I did, but I didn’t know how to get there.  And so began the journey, with my therapist as my teacher and guide.

It’s been almost 4 years since I began therapy and at times I’m doing well then on other days I’m a train wreck.  I’ve changed a lot and have a better sense of self-confidence and love and appreciation for myself that I didn’t have before.  I’m still a work in progress, as we all are, but I’m much stronger than I was when I began.  Therapy isn’t for everyone, but for me, it really helped.  For anyone considering going, it’s worth a shot.  At least if you go once and you don’t think it’s for you, you can say you tried it.

So — about me being ready to date again.  According to Colleen and Tracy  (my therapists), they think I’m ready.  they think the recent events with my birthday last year and the “friend” I met  is an indication that I’m looking for a connection but my fears are holding me back, so I choose situations where I know I’ll be “safe” — i.e, nothing can truly happen between us and so I won’t have to deal with the messiness of a real relationship and the possible pain that can come, and I won’t have to deal with my demons that only come out when there’s a guy involved.  I’m also ready because I’m at a point where I don’t consider finding a partner to be essential to my happiness, and so I won’t put any pressure on the situation.  All accurate statements.  Anyway, I’m saying no and the thought is definitely in my head.  I don’t know when I’ll do something about it, but I’ll know when it’s right.  I’m not really going to think about it too much.

peace

The WTF Week!

As I am sitting here, about to write this post, I am like a dead man walking. I am absolutely stressed the Fuck out after this week.

This week has been a whirlwind of stress, worry, crazy, packing and unpacking a whole lot of other things that needed to be handled.

Tomorrow I start a new week as in the Jewish Calendar  adventure by moving forward and not standing in one place. This will be not first time that I will be rewriting my own path again. This is like an old friend for me and I am very excited about this new chapter in my life!

I think, with everything that had to happen this week, I kind of hit a downer. Lets say I was a little overwhelmed. Okay, a lot overwhelmed.

Yesterday was a bit of a breaking point for me and I had to pull myself together…fall down 7 times, get up 8…right?

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I entered this week with an idea called the Vegas has kicked my ass but I’m going to win (It did, of course) and the first WTF was Monday. I started in the morning, but then the stress kept building by the afternoon… I improved my thoughts. One. Its not that my mind gave up, its that my body wouldn’t listen to my mind. I could see in my head how I just couldn’t handle other peoples behavior, so I do what I always do, I shutdown . I could actually see myself slowly imploding but in my heart I wanted to kick certain peoples  asses but I was the one, who’s ass got kicked.

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Have you ever wanted something so badly, that it actually hurts? You want it so badly, that you would do anything to get it. That’s how I feel about this whole Vegas thing. I so badly want to be as happy and successful here as what I know I can be. But it seems like every time I make even the slightest of progress, I get pushed back 2 steps.

I am like that nerdy kid that so badly wants to be part of the cool kids, but I am actually just the kid standing on the outside looking in. I think what makes it worse is that this is something that I really love to do and I am good at it. Success does not come easy to me here in Las Vegas and it breaks down my confidence a bit. 

Sometimes it feels like I have to try so hard, for even the slightest change. Not just with work, but with most things.

Maybe I am just throwing myself a little bit of a pity party right now…actually its not a maybe its a definite! 

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SO! Enough of that! Here are some pictures. I hope they motivate you a bit on this Friday. 

I will not give up. I just need to regroup and maybe a Hug.

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Happy Friday