As I am sitting here, about to write this post, I am like a dead man walking. I am absolutely stressed the Fuck out after this week.
This week has been a whirlwind of stress, worry, crazy, packing and unpacking a whole lot of other things that needed to be handled.
Tomorrow I start a new week as in the Jewish Calendar adventure by moving forward and not standing in one place. This will be not first time that I will be rewriting my own path again. This is like an old friend for me and I am very excited about this new chapter in my life!
I think, with everything that had to happen this week, I kind of hit a downer. Lets say I was a little overwhelmed. Okay, a lot overwhelmed.
Yesterday was a bit of a breaking point for me and I had to pull myself together…fall down 7 times, get up 8…right?
I entered this week with an idea called the Vegas has kicked my ass but I’m going to win (It did, of course) and the first WTF was Monday. I started in the morning, but then the stress kept building by the afternoon… I improved my thoughts. One. Its not that my mind gave up, its that my body wouldn’t listen to my mind. I could see in my head how I just couldn’t handle other peoples behavior, so I do what I always do, I shutdown . I could actually see myself slowly imploding but in my heart I wanted to kick certain peoples asses but I was the one, who’s ass got kicked.
Have you ever wanted something so badly, that it actually hurts? You want it so badly, that you would do anything to get it. That’s how I feel about this whole Vegas thing. I so badly want to be as happy and successful here as what I know I can be. But it seems like every time I make even the slightest of progress, I get pushed back 2 steps.
I am like that nerdy kid that so badly wants to be part of the cool kids, but I am actually just the kid standing on the outside looking in. I think what makes it worse is that this is something that I really love to do and I am good at it. Success does not come easy to me here in Las Vegas and it breaks down my confidence a bit.
Sometimes it feels like I have to try so hard, for even the slightest change. Not just with work, but with most things.
Maybe I am just throwing myself a little bit of a pity party right now…actually its not a maybe its a definite!
SO! Enough of that! Here are some pictures. I hope they motivate you a bit on this Friday.
I will not give up. I just need to regroup and maybe a Hug.