Fears…face them don’t fear them

I am afraid of a lot of things…today it was confirmed that I am afraid of heights as I had to climb over my apartment gate to get into my house. In a skirt. Then again, I realized I have an almost paralyzing fear for heights when I went on the High Roller and when I have to fly or riding down on a escalator and just…high things. I don’t like high things. They can be high, and away from me. I just must not be on top of them and asked to move or ride down from them.

Fear-of-Heights

I guess this fear is also limited to types of heights. For example, I went zip-lining one weekend and I loved that!

Jump out of a plane? Hells no! I hate flying in the damn things so why would I voluntarily throw myself out of one? It makes no sense!

So that is my fear of heights…some of my other fears include, but are not limited to:

  • Beetles. The damn things fly for your FACE! I mean…WTF is up with that?
  • Spiders . The animal fearing theme is strong with me…
  • Flying. I heavily sedate myself when I have to fly.
  • Clowns and mimes. I put them in one category simply because I fear things all circus related and I truly hate the circus.
  • Crowds. I have a fear of big crowds of people. I get kind of claustrophobic…especially when I can’t see a way out. I always need to know where the exit is at all times

These are some of my less serious fears…Here come the serious fears

  • Failure. I have worked really hard to get the experience that I have regarding my work and I am so scared that I will fail at what I want to do.
  • Not being enough. I fear being inadequate. I fear being obsolete. I fear being forgotten
  • Relationships. Its not that I am scared of relationships, but rather that my fear of losing people will push the ones I love the most away. I kind of self destruct in almost any form of relationship that I find myself in. I don’t know why I do that…it’s really stupid and I am trying very hard to stop. So far so good!
  • Missing out. Not like the whole “Hipster FOMO” kind of way. But more that I miss the moments with the people I love. That I miss sharing in special moments and milestones. I mean…with my family that is so far away, I miss everything. I hear about it, but I physically miss the moments.
  • Not having a life…my own life, but yea…I don’t want to have my life pass by me and see that I haven’t done the things I wanted to do.
  • Not living due to fear. I am so scared to step outside my comfort zone that I am scared that I am not living. I have been doing more things that make me uncomfortable and pushing myself past my comfort zone. So I guess I am working on those fears.
  • Moving. Moving on. Moving house. Moving states. Just…moving
  • Going back into fear. I know that I have anxiety and depression , but I also know that I never, EVER want to go back to that dark place, again.

Today it kind of hit me that I have been feeding my fears and not fighting them. This I thought whilst I was scaling a wall to get into my place.

fight-or-flight-classic

I don’t want to live and work in fear. I don’t want to be afraid to be who I truly am. I don’t want to be afraid to speak my mind and be heard. I don’t want to be afraid to stand up for myself. I want to be fearless. I want to conquer my fears….NO…actually I want to kick them in the ass and watch them fly away.

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And I will. I am. I am becoming more fearless everyday…because you know what? I have gone through hell and back in my life and I am still standing here. In one piece. Semi-normal. 100% myself.

Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can just hide from your fears. Face them. Fight them. And then free yourself from them!

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