Happy Halloween – Wait Your Turn Wal-Mart!

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Halloween is without a doubt my favorite holiday of the year. I love the all the decorations that go up, the costumes, the candy. The overall feel of spookiness that permeates the air is quite simply intoxicating. You get all the horror movies to come on TV, from the cult classics like Dracula to the slashers like Friday the 13th to the thrillers like The Silence of the Lambs. Even the great Halloween movies for kids The Nightmare Before Christmas is great. I watched Ghost Adventures with my daughter the other day and we love it, the questions it raises “is there really ghosts?”. And I regularly watch It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown to relive my childhood. You’ve got haunted houses left and right, along with haunted mazes and hay rides. Heck, they even have Zombie Paintball now.
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Everything builds up to one joyous night of scares and trick-or-treating. I’m planning to go with some friends and take my dog around a neighborhood. And one of the joys is dressing up. So I was walking into Walmart last weekend to get my dog Spike, a costume. He’s a Chihuahua. So, I figured a pirate costume, which is totally normal. I even got him a little sword and hat to go with the costume.

But here’s the problem. As I was walking past the Halloween section (3 small aisles) to continue my shopping, I see the Christmas section. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Christmas? It’s 3 days before Halloween! We still have Halloween and Thanksgiving to go before Christmas even comes around. Why does Walmart already have Christmas decorations out? And not just a few decorations. Where Halloween got 3 aisles, Christmas gets a section bigger than the toy and electronics sections combined. Batman Halloween??, What happened to Scarecrows, Witches, Jack o lanterns, The real Halloween.

Now, look, I understand the revenue companies make off Christmas sales is exorbitant, way bigger than Halloween and Thanksgiving. Probably bigger than the two combined. But what happened to showing some respect for those holidays and the people that love them. I mean, come on. Like I said Halloween is my favorite holiday. And Thanksgiving is my daughter’s. But it’s like we skip right over those as quick as possible and move on to Christmas with its shining lights, wrapping paper, and gifts, gifts, gifts!

A tangled ball of Christmas lights
A tangled ball of Christmas lights

Halloween used to be a time when you embraced the mystery of the world. When you experienced just a little bit of terror in order to break up the monotony of the year. Halloween is the kick off for the holiday season, not something to be brushed over so we can move on to “more important” holidays. I mean, come on folks, how hard is it to just wait a little longer. I’d be willing to be that if you waited until the day after Thanksgiving to start selling Christmas stuff, i.e. the dreaded Black Friday, you will still make a killing in sales. Why can’t we just enjoy Halloween for right now, instead of looking forward past it?
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LOVE is in the air tonight

I LOVE Valentine’s Day. For as long as I can remember it has always been my second favorite holiday, next to Christmas. Now, this isn’t because I’m one of those lucky girls who is always showered with gifts from cute boys, I don’t even see it as being about couples.
No, I have always loved Valentine’s Day because for me it is the one day of year that you can truly open up and tell someone you love them, which is something we as a human race, quite frankly, don’t do enough.
We get so scared of being true to our feelings, for fear of rejection, for fear of getting hurt later down the line; sometimes though, we simply neglect to say anything.
February 14th? A love celebration…
Or not?
Reading through social feeds today was a bit confusing. Some were doting love on others, some not…
Some made sarcastic attacks on “Valentine’s Day” and some were just normal…
Now I question, what is it about this particular day that people tend to be blissfully in love, unhappy and/or just nonchalant? I celebrate Valentine’s Day, I celebrate Fat Tuesday and I will not disclose why… LOL…your imaginations can go wild on that one, just remember I’m innocent, LOL…
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So, I Google (I mean research) and find some quite disturbing things about this particular day on which we celebrate (or supposed to celebrate) love… The origin of this day is quite unromantic to say the least… Firstly it is linked to some Roman fertility festival that took place from 13th to 15th Feb, whereby men sacrificed dogs and goats, and used the hide of the sacrifice to whip the women (gruesome much?) alternatively men would draw the names of women from a jar and spent the duration of the festival (or forever) with that woman… Secondly there is a story of St. Valentine, a Roman priest who married young couples against the command of the Roman Emperor Claudius… St. Valentine was captured, tortured and subsequently beheaded on Feb 14th…

So I guess we can see why Feb 14th and also where the name comes from, however based on those origins, how on earth did today become a day to celebrate love and present chocolate, flowers and gifts to our beloved ones?
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The day was first associated with romantic love in the middle ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished (Shakespeare things). In 18th century England, it evolved into an occasion in which lovers expressed their love for each other by gifting flowers, offering sweets and sending greeting cards (known as “valentines“). In Europe, St. Valentine’s keys are given “as a romantic symbol and an invitation to unlock the giver’s heart”, as well as to children, in order to ward off St. Valentine’s difficulties. Then came the 19th century where Hallmark mass produced greeting cards and I guess civilization just bought into it – great business intuition guys, LOL…

So there we have it…February the 14th is actually an unromantic day and very much a commercially packaged money making scheme…I can hear many guys gasping a huge sigh of relief, but just because I have given you reason not to go the extra mile on this day doesn’t mean your beloved ones will excuse you as easily so tread lightly my fellow humans…

Either which way you look at this day, I strongly urge that this day is not seen as THE ONLY day to celebrate love, it should be an everyday affair… and so too with it, love should not be expressed in gifts (although it is nice) it’s the things you do, the things you say and how you make your loved ones feel…after all show me a human who does not value time spent together over a box of chocolates… or thinks more of a wrapped box than being wrapped in your loved ones arm and I will bluntly tell you that person is not human at all…
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I have always used this day to tell all my close friends and family that I love them, for I do, and I couldn’t be happier to have them all in my life.
There are so many good people in the world and they all deserve to be told they are loved and appreciated.
I hope you all have loved-filled day with your significant others, but I also hope you can find the time to drop a message to your friends and other loved ones to let them know too how very important they are.
To my friends who are reading this: I love you.
Happy Valentine’s Day!

DISTANCE

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We all know distance. It can either be literal in that point A is a certain distance from point B, or it can be figurative whereby you distance yourself from a situation or a person or a feeling/emotion.

Sometimes we all need distance. And sometimes distance sucks.

I have been trying to figure out how I am going to distance myself from a few things over the past while. Its actually quite funny…I need distance from a person, a situation and an emotion. All three different distances. From different sources. All for the same outcome: Self preservation.

The person I need distance from is someone who I am clinging on to. I know I am and I know I need to stop. I am clinging to the idea of this person, to the person who I think they are in my mind. however, if I was to be completely honest with myself then I would recognize that the person I have in my mind is not the person in question. They are created entirely out of my half truths, hopeless ideas and a series of flash emotions. Now flash emotions are perfect snippets of emotional awesomeness. They escape, showing themselves to you, and then disappear just as quick as they came. They are not lasting, just as the person who allowed them to escape is not lasting. They are not these emotions, but rather, they allow them to escape to give you just enough hope.

The situation I need distance from is complicated…I don’t really know how to approach this. But I know that it is bringing me down. I can’t be surrounded by negativity. After all the crap that I went through this year, I can’t be surrounded by people who make no effort out of their own to be better and to get better and to feel better.
They are in this constant spiral of negativity, convinced that the world owes them something and that there is no hope.
Yes, I understand that life is rough and it sucks and sometimes all you want to do is scream into a pillow…but then you do and you move on. You realize that you are stronger than you were before and you don’t let your past control you. Don’t become passively alive. Relying on others to make you happy, to give you joy and to save you.
No one is going to save you. Only YOU can save YOU. Because the harsh reality is: Everyone is out for themselves. Its called survival. No one is going to give you life if you don’t take it for yourself. I am surrounded by these people who can’t let go of the past and who let their circumstances control their happiness. STOP IT!
I am so sick and tired of hearing the same sob story over and over again with one person trying to out do the next with an even sadder sob story. With my now diagnosed PTSD-Depression (Sexual Assault ’13) and finally in therapy instead of my past treatment plan of self-medicating myself with cocaine/vodka. I know what my triggers are and one of them is if I am surrounded by negativity…I am one of those people, fighting for survival, and I will do whatever it takes to make myself better and to get better. I do not want to go down that path again and I will be damn if it is due to others bringing me down. I am at a good place in my life right now. I am happy…I don’t want to be dragged down by people who only see their pain, fear, sickness, their past. Who make their pain their life. The be all and end all of everything.

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The emotion I need to get distance from is guilt. Proper guilt. For as long as I can remember, I have been made to feel guilty about my actions. I have been made to feel guilty about liking the things that I do, doing the things that I do and being the person that I am. That’s not right.

I get to chose who I am, I get to chose what is right for me and only me. You do not know my life. You do not know my whole story and you have no right to make me feel guilty about the way in which I live my life.
I always say I have Catholic guilt even though I am not Catholic but I was raised in a Catholic/Jewish Home.
My Mother was Jewish but converted to Catholicism when she married my Father. I have been made to feel guilty because of the music I listen to, the tattoos that I love, about wearing so much makeup, my taste in clothes, about liking skulls, motorcycles, about defining my relationship with God based on my personal opinions and not those of others. I know I do not fit into your perfect little box of what you deem to be right and good and proper…but I fit perfectly into my oddly shaped basket. One that is constantly changing, moving, evolving. One that will never be confined. One that will never look like yours.

This post is possibly written out of anger and frustration due to the fact that I really just want this year to end now. I am tired of working at a job for low pay/ long hours, I am tired of the office, family and/or friend politics, I’m missing someone, living in fear of the dark, and I am just plain tired. I am missing my family and wish that I could be spending Hanukkah/Christmas with them. But I can’t, because things are the way they are and I’m here. needless to say, I am not looking forward to the Holidays and would actually like it very much if it just passed by without any pomp or ceremony. I would even go as far as to say that I would much rather spend this time on my own this year, instead of pretending that everything is okay and normal.

That’s my rant for the week. Now it is off my chest, which actually feels good. Now I can breathe again.

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Be thankful

Even though I am in a not so happy space right at this moment, I realize that I have a lot to be thankful for…

We all too often forget what we have and we focus on what we do not have. Its like we are completely blinded by what we want or feel we are lacking in our lives that we don’t take even a minute to look at what we do have.

And on that note, I have compiled a list of things that I am thankful for.
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I am thankful for:
1.Having a job
2.Spike ( My Chihuahua )
3.A relatively healthy body
4.The talent to be able to write
5.The night and not being afraid of it anymore
6.My family
7.My incredibly supportive friends
8.Food in my fridge (Even if it is 2 eggs, an almost empty jar of jam and tomato sauce
9.An place that I can come home to
10.The ability to see the good in everyone
11.My mind, the quest for knowledge. It keeps me sane
12.knitting
13.Peanut butter
14.Good coffee
15.Long eyelashes
16.Music
17.Some money in the bank
18.Bookshelves full of books I love
19.Running water and electricity
20.My ability to pick myself up and move on with life
21.My daughters
22.My grandson
23.Clothes
24.A voice. I use it to sing badly and that makes me happy
25.Heartbreak. It hurts like a bitch but it shows you that you haven’t become completely numb
26.Animals. They make me happy
27.A pretty awesome childhood
28.My physical and emotional strength that I apparently have
29.Thunderstorms
30.Lastly, I am thankful and truly blessed to be alive. To live, eat, breathe and all that goes with being alive. There were many instances where I did not want to be alive anymore. Where the my world was such a black place that I couldn’t see myself ever making it. That is in my past now and I am eternally grateful to everyone who helped me get through those times in my life. For the people who loved me when I wasn’t very lovable, for the people who kept me sane, who held me when I cried, who prayed for me non-stop and who never left my side. I can never put in words just how much that meant to me.

So that is my list. There are so many more things that I can say I am thankful for. Like, craft beer with olives, seeing a Carolina wren, the smell of vanilla and freshly cut grass. Red wine and good company. Lightning and thunderstorms. Chocolate covered gummy bears, rice pudding and Oreo’s. The smile of a stranger. A hug that last longer than you expected. The memories of someone who you love. Ice cold water when you are dying of thirst. The sunset from my balcony. Bubbles and bumble bee’s.

Don’t ever forget to look back on your life and see the things that make you happy and that you are blessed to have in your life. Don’t let the shit storm take away from what is yours. Keep being thankful, humble and never take anything or anyone for granted…people leave. Sometimes they leave you suddenly, unexpectedly and broken. Other times they gradually just fade away…

Apocalyse Love

Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but watching each others back when the Infected Horde attacks.”apocalypse-love

Running for our lives from a mob of pale skinned, white eyed, crazy, violent, zombies can be – strangely enough – the absolute right time to think about you, me, sex… after all I could possibly be the last person on earth that doesn’t want to kill you…..
Happy Halloween Handsome