Something Sensible

Let’s talk about…lifeeye-makeup2

Yes, life. I seem to be getting a bit lax with the whole blogging thing, I blame this on my hectic schedule at the moment. Ag, who am I kidding! I’m just lazy and procrastinate when it comes to writing. The thing is, I realize that I have a lot to say, but what I have to say will probably be offensive to a lot of people and most certainly will be a bit too honest for most. But that’s me. I speak way too much, say way too much and more often than not I say things that people know but don’t want to hear. A lot of my friends have said that I carry my heart on my sleeve. Yes, I do. But I would rather do that than carry my heart in a safe, behind lock and key with 24hour FBI on the lookout for anyone that may or may not hurt me. I would rather be hurt a million times than not allow myself to feel anything. It’s like, I would rather fall hard than never fall at all. I’m like that though, I love extremes. It’s either one way or the other with me. There is no gray area, no middle ground, and no maybe-space. It’s either this or that and nothing in between.

there-comes-a-point-when-you-have-to-realize-that-youll-never-be-good-enough-for-some-people-the-question-is-is-that-your-problem-or-theirs-quote-1

This is probably why I am still single. I’m not prepared to settle for something that isn’t 100% what I want just because I’m feeling a tad lonely or would like to have someone to spend Sunday afternoons with. And this is also probably why I work so hard. I would rather go to the gym, nearly kill myself and crawl out than waste my time pottering here and there and actually just being there for the sake of being seen. Don’t you think lots of people do that? They do things simply for the sake of being seen.

Like a lot of church going people that I know. There they are, Sunday evenings in the church. Hands raised in celebration, right in the front. They do all the charity work, go to all the events and are more at the church than at their own homes. Sounds like the perfect Christian, jew or Catholic right? Not at all. If you look closely at some of these people you can see how, when their arms are raised, they make sure everyone can see them. And you can tell, by the way, that they act, that this is just for show. They want people to see how “fantastic” they are. I’m sorry, but doesn’t that seem wrong to you? I go to church and I read my bible and I love the G%D, but I am not going to be made to feel inferior just because I’m not a showy religious nut. What I say and do, are actually the same. My life is my ministry. I don’t need everyone to see how great I am. Because what people think of me, really doesn’t matter. I could not give a flying fart in space what you think. And I am sure as hell not going to be front and center in church/temple when I know that the night before I went on a real bender and made out with half of the San Diego Football team. Yes, I have my faults and I have screwed up in the past and I probably will still screw up, but at least I’m not pretending. What you see with me, is what I am. I am that woman who likes to train like the big boys, I like rock music, not so much into rap or country, telling stupid jokes. I am me. I’m not too sure what exactly that means, but I know that I am not going to pretend to be anyone else just so that you would like me. If you don’t like me, well then good for you. You have an opinion and I respect that.

Quotation-Emily-Post-respect-self-good-manners-sense-Meetville-Quotes-27242

We have all forgotten how to respect people. How to respect situations and boundaries and life. I think that is the problem. We have all lost respect for ourselves. Is it not true, that if you truly valued yourself and who you are, that you would not let people treat you the way that they do? I know I wouldn’t have. I have let people treat me like dirt, just because I thought I wasn’t worth anything more. Now, I’m sorry, but now there is no murky water where that is concerned. If you want to get to know me for me, then please do. But if you want to get to know me for what I can offer you then move along.

I am nobodies’ second choice, rebound, back-up plan, last resort, plaything or booty call. I refuse to let anyone treat me with anything less than what I deserve. I have high standards, I know I do, but I would rather have high standards than no standards. I am not that girl that is going to be happy with friends with benefits or an open relationship because I am not going to spend my time on someone that wastes mine.

through-rose-tinted-glasses

This is a rant, and I know it. I wasn’t going to rant, but rant I did. I guess it’s the culmination of everything really. I so badly want just one guy to prove to me that they aren’t all the same. The rose-colored glasses are off, and what I see…well, it ain’t that impressive or pretty. Guys: BE MEN! Please, I am begging you on behalf of all womankind. Stop believing that you are not good enough. Stop believing that you need to be this mean, lying ass player to get anywhere in life. Stop acting like a douche bag because you think it’s cool. It’s not. It’s stupid and I can see straight through it. Have followed through and stop being afraid. I see so many boys, afraid to be men.

I wish I could sit down each and every man in my life and tell them that they are capable of being great. I wish I could tell them all that they shouldn’t be afraid and that they should embrace the roles given to them. I wish I could tell them that I don’t want to be disappointed in them anymore. I wish they could step up so that I don’t have to take that step. I was made a woman, equal in different ways. I don’t want to be a man or have a man’s role in life. I have said it before, but I want to say it again. I have faith that there is a generation of men, waiting to take back their roles in society.

Give me one of those men. Give me a man, not afraid of being a man. Give me a man that can be a role model, a husband, a father and a friend. I want one of those, and I believe with all my hear he is out there. I really just don’t want him to be hiding away because he thinks he isn’t good enough.

Please hear me now: you are good enough.

you-are-good-enough1

Advertisements

Handle with Care

Men who can’t handle us will always call us ” crazy”

That’s how most men perceive their ex-girlfriends, ex-wives or females who gave them extreme highs and lows.

highly-sensitive-people

We will always be those crazy ex-girlfriends who once loved them enough, or maybe much more enough than they could handle and be deemed as highly sensitive and dramatic beings.

There are many articles written on women with anxiety issues, women with higher levels of empathy and/or sympathy towards others, women who ‘feel’ so much more than others and I honestly believe these are the reasons why we behaved the way we behaved derives from the word ‘anxiety’. However, in the eyes of men, we will always be labelled as ‘psycho.’

Truth is, they do not understand women like us. They do not feel the way we feel in a relationship. They do not know what it is like to take things, people and human relations seriously; to take matters of the heart and soul as important as they are to us. They don’t and they probably won’t.

fire_and_water_relationships-t3

Do not let his perceptions hit you down to rock bottom. They have to understand that you did not have the goal of setting relationships on fire. You did not come into their lives to destroy the ideas of love. We did not mean to show them the side of us that would push them further away from us. I could hide if I wanted to, but what I thought that they loved me enough to be able to see past my flaws? and grow together as a couple.

We did, however, bare the true selves of our souls and our minds in hopes that they would understand where we are coming from. We wanted to work things out with them but they did not want to because it was too much drama for them. We tried to communicate and still they thought that everything we said was associated to drama.

They were together with us long enough to know which buttons would make us worried, paranoid and everything else that came along with it, yet they pushed it anyways. Instead of putting the blame on us, why not think it through on why would they just pushed the buttons knowing that it would drive us ‘crazy.’

Yes, everything happens for a reason, but why would they push the buttons that could intensify every emotion I have in the relationship. I would believe that they secretly wanted to push my limits. After all, the one who loves the most is the one at the losing end. I would always be at the losing end because I loved the most, I feel for them the most, and I would do anything for them the most too.

tumblr_m5vo1sVFX51rtwjzdo1_400

They knew they have the upper hand of the relationship and they knew that even if they’ve done nothing wrong, ultimately we would be the ones at fault because we flared, we raged and we went crazy. We would eventually blame ourselves for pushing the relationship to the end and we would blame ourselves for breaking the relationship apart.

They knew and they always will know that the easiest way out was to say that we are “psycho” instead of saying “She was kind and loving and I wasn’t enough of a man to handle her”.

Save