Words I can’t say…

I want you to tell me something, anything to make me hate you

I want to tell you I hate you, but I can’t

Even though the words I want to hear are, that you love me forever

I want you to say that I never meant anything to you,

that it was all in my mind…that none of this was real

I want to break into a million pieces

I want every part of me to fall to the ground

To lie in stillness that my world is in.

I want you to tell me that you never cared

I want those words to drown me, to cover me completely,

push me into a world that is completely dark

Maybe then I can heal

Maybe then I can allow myself to let go

There is nothing to hang on to. This was all a lie

Let me break, Let me be on the brink of total destruction

because of you, her and me…I can’t do this anymore

Shock me away from you

Throw my heart from your hands

I need you to do this. I need to do this.

Because this half broken mess that I am is killing me

I am caught between two worlds and all I want is to be in yours

My world is not my own anymore

I can’t do this…it hurts too much

Knowing that we are now “friends” but spend every day/night together

I can’t do this…I’m confused

Knowing you are always going to play this game

Always there for me but never really mine and out of my reach

Knowing I need to leave you there

Knowing you left me here.

You let go of me

I need to let go, let go of you

Please…make me hate you.

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You Should Have Said Something, Anything

You should have said somethingjust-a-memory. But you didn’t. Instead you let yourself get in the way, have you Ever thought about how all of this has been on me?.. No, of course not it’s always about You.
You let it ingratiate itself, “Her pain, Your hurt” in between Us and you let go of me. You should have listened to me for once, my hurt, my side in all of this. You could have done so much but you chose to do nothing, NOTHING!
You could have said ANYTHING, SOMETHING But instead, you caved and said nothing. You straight up forgot I even existed…because if I did exist in that thick skull of yours you would have kept my words in the back of your head. You disrespected me. You showed me that all I ever was nothing to you. Was it worth it?, hurting me, does it give you back what you felt I took from you? Was it worth this? I just don’t understand it. I don’t understand you. All I know is you should have said Something.

On Show…

On show…. show-must-go-on

Looking for a bit of distraction

On this long winding road

Knowing I’m just a side show attraction

Waiting to be sold

Searching for the day

Of new release

Wondering if I should stay

And do as you please

Heaven

Hell

And all in between

Not much change

Just another mindless scene

Waiting for you to see

To who do I direct my plea?

Waiting for you to know

This wasn’t all, just a show.

The Scarlett Letter or being shun by your friends or worse society

Well as of today, there is still no definite answer of who did this.. but as I’ve researched there can never be a “one”, a “who” , a “person”.
Now that being said, I had to give up the pain I was reliving by the constant remembering of those hurtful words spoken to me by you and her, finding out the suspicions I had are true and now the trust that was there blindly has been lost.
I spent over 12 hours doing research and speaking with professional on this, that there can NEVER be a WHO!
The age old who did what first.. in this situation that is not so simple.
It seems that as being most diligent about myself, there is no guarantee’s that there is ever 100% anything! being told that there is a “Grey Area” of about 6 to 8 months!!! I was like then why have all these so call safety nets for you and the person you are in a relationship with.. as told by a friend~when you leave, are you 100% sure he/she is alone??
When you look someone in their eyes and ask. Those questions, you believe that what was told you was the truth but as I found out that is not what happened and I was lied to on a few occasions.
The facts are, this has marked all of us and in some way we will always be, but my issues is this.
Why lie in the first place, placing blame on me without all the facts in and then you should have made an rational decision on what should be done first but you didn’t and the total disrespect for me and showing your true self as well as hers.
If you wanted a fling? something casual?? or were you thinking about playing the player role? then as a grown ass man, you should have said No to me, us!..
If you wanted Me then you should have said NO to her.. it’s that simple.
The other mark is possibly left on all of us, well one of us is for sure is marked by this….