Poison of Disengagement

This is not about the typical relationships, but this could be for family (parents, children) Friends and even Co-Workers.. anyone who is in a day in/day out, the connection with another human being, That’s a partner.

When one partner in the relationship begins to disengage…. this is the warning sign of impending doom. Beyond the worst argument, the most hurtful betrayal, the cruelest words — disengagement is the death knell for any relationship.


Disengagement is simply the loss of willingness to invest time, energy, and emotion into the relationship. It is flat-lining, going belly up without caring enough to put up a fight, much less to put in the work needed to keep the relationship alive and thriving. Of not caring. Of letting the connection go. Of not being willing to devote time and effort to the relationship.

When the people we love or with whom we have a deep connection stop caring, stop paying attention, stop investing and fighting for the relationship, trust begins to slip away and hurt starts seeping in. Disengagement triggers shame and our greatest fears—the fears of being abandoned, unworthy, and unlovable. What can make this covert betrayal so much more dangerous than something like a lie, affair or just neglect is that we can’t point to the source of our pain—there’s no event, no obvious evidence of brokenness.

You are bound but unraveling at the same time. It only takes one person to disengage from the poison to spread and infect the relationship. Eventually, the person trying to engage and seeking engagement from the other will give up. Sometimes this is exactly what the disengager wants. They are passively trying to end the relationship. Other times they are blind to the havoc they are creating and only wake up when their loved gives them a wake-up call or walks away.


Insidious Disconnect…..A Feeling or a Thought??

I dig deeper to reveal the casket of love
Stuck in the zone craving to be alone
The stemming crux of innate awareness
Your shadow lurks with a case of questions
The self in I prided and ever lost in within
Disconnected and absorbed in abstraction
Destruction of isolation, emotionally disengaged
Embedded in an inner world, the blurred adventure
A venture of wicked and buzzing illusions
Insidious poison that permeates high and below
Pushing the tide of disengagement to engage
As the water rocks the boat, I run far and faster
Trading my heart for my mind, the meteor drops
Yet my tarot don’t thrill for connection or recognition
Letting you lay on the bed of nails, itching for an insight
The objectivity of commitment scares, spared don’t stare
I can’t give it all, I can’t feel, I am a numb shell




Trapped in Doors?


Bang bang,
One after another
slamming the doors to the past,
nothing to see here,
move along people…
don’t need a long line of looky-loos to the show
the scrapings of the pieces,
I’ve gone taken the train
to better sights
then this here places.
This one here…
well, that’s a sticky one, that one…
still clinging,
not quite ready to go the distance
but I’ll come round
just wait and see…
like these mirrors, you’ll see new things
exciting and laughable things
on the other side of the show…
ain’t seeing it all quite right…
out there living in those stars….
those shiny sparkly things…
can’t believe in ’em I say…
smoke and mirrors,
nothing there….
watch me
what I say ’cause I know
been there
done that…
nothing there and no lingering baby
so just keep on moving on,
come along and follow the rest,
they know what’s what…
smarter than the rest I always say….
where you going?
No, don’t you run away…
I know the truth…
can’t you see?
My truth will only cost you
a dollar or two…
as the song plays on…

As I slip away
knowing what I know
deeper than my senses will ever give….
space….no cost in being
no price in becoming one with the light,
the truth….
I walk away smiling
purse tucked tight…
no quarter gave slip through the next portal
for tomorrow waits….
my kind of place….
off the path of the side show barkers
bartering with their nothing
as the paint peels on yesterday
I repaint my tomorrow
pretty carousel ponies
and dreams waiting in the light of a new day.

Hand Holding or Chains on a Soul


After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn…
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure…

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth…

And you learn and learn…

With every good-bye you learn






We’re young and untouched
with dandelions being blown in our hearts.
Eyes with a sparkle from our favorite
childhood fairy tales.

One morning in undeniable sunlight
we shake hands with a feeling,
then we go home and write of
his eyes and how his smile cut through an unopened door, deep inside your delicate soul.

We float through the emotion
that we’ve just dived right into;
until the ocean dries up after he tells you,
he doesn’t want you.

All our innocent souls are now stuck up with our hearts in trees
and we hope when we throw our hearts to the floor,
he’ll come running to save its breaking–
But no.
There it goes: smash…

We all fall down



Words I can’t say…

I want you to tell me something, anything to make me hate you

I want to tell you I hate you, but I can’t

Even though the words I want to hear are, that you love me forever

I want you to say that I never meant anything to you,

that it was all in my mind…that none of this was real

I want to break into a million pieces

I want every part of me to fall to the ground

To lie in stillness that my world is in.

I want you to tell me that you never cared

I want those words to drown me, to cover me completely,

push me into a world that is completely dark

Maybe then I can heal

Maybe then I can allow myself to let go

There is nothing to hang on to. This was all a lie

Let me break, Let me be on the brink of total destruction

because of you, her and me…I can’t do this anymore

Shock me away from you

Throw my heart from your hands

I need you to do this. I need to do this.

Because this half broken mess that I am is killing me

I am caught between two worlds and all I want is to be in yours

My world is not my own anymore

I can’t do this…it hurts too much

Knowing that we are now “friends” but spend every day/night together

I can’t do this…I’m confused

Knowing you are always going to play this game

Always there for me but never really mine and out of my reach

Knowing I need to leave you there

Knowing you left me here.

You let go of me

I need to let go, let go of you

Please…make me hate you.