It would seem that I had epiphany while I was in the bath.. Maybe it is the gentle swooshing of the water, maybe it is the soothing smell of the bubble bath or maybe it is the echo of my singing in the bathroom. Bathrooms have great acoustics…and for the non-gifted singers like me, this is fantastic! So this particular 20/20 vision, “Ah-ha” moment was to do with the style in which we date these days.
We have forgotten how to date and how to behave on dates. I have spoken about dating behavior in a previous post, so I am not going to go into that all that much here. This has more to do with the build up toward meeting someone. Especially if it is the first time that you will be meeting them.
When did it become acceptable to invite someone over to your house on the first date (And I am not talking about coffee after the date)? When did it become acceptable to stop whoo-ing someone and just “hang-out”
We have become a generation of lazy, ill-mannered, selfish daters. Look, I am all for hanging out and playing guitar hero or binge watching series or simply talking for hours on the couch with some good wine. But not on a first date, or even possible a second and third date.
I want to be whoo-ed. I want to be able to get dressed up and go out and do something exciting. I want to feel like I am special and beautiful and that the person taking me out values me enough to want to show me off in a way or to make an effort to show me a good time. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about money. I am not one to talk when it comes to money…partly because I generally have none. Its more about putting thought and effort into something. Its about making someone who you are supposedly interested in feel special.
I do it. I make effort for someone who I care about and want to get to know. I do the whole spoiling thing and I love it! It gives me great satisfaction to make someone else happy, because seeing them happy makes me happy.
This whole thing of immediately just hanging out at one or the others house is not on…I don’t want to feel like you are hiding me or that you simply do not care enough to make actual plans or that you want me in your house for one reason only.
In the past I have written a lot about settling and how you shouldn’t do it…and then I realized that I was doing exactly that. I was settling for a standard of dating that was below me. That stops now. I am not saying that I am going to set a 4-date minimum before we hang out at someones house, but I am saying that I am not going to settle for anything less than someone who actually makes an effort to spoil me and make me feel special. I can guarantee you now, if you do that, then you have already made a huge impression! Besides, I love spoiling people and doing little things to make them feel special…why? It is my way of showing how much I care.
I am reaching an age where I am tired of games, I am tired of dealing with these men that keep creeping out of the woodwork who are not nearly close to what I deserve. I am tired of being a player in someone else’s game without even knowing that I am. I have dated a lot of guys, or rather, I have been on my fair share of dates…and there has only been maybe 1 or 2 where I actually felt like this guy made an effort.
I am not the woman that would not pester you with constant, “Hello” texts at 10 p.m.
I am not the woman that is going to constantly drive all the way to your house to see you.
I am not the woman who you can booty call, hide away or use only when it suites you.
For now, this is my story. I am currently so busy to actually date anyone what with work and my goals and my therapy, and that is completely perfect with me! I am happy with where I am right now. I know I am being a bit selfish, but I would like to find a man that can change this plot line and rewrite a joint story with me.
The title would be You, Me then Us, so until then maybe in a month or two from now someone will come along and want to take me out and then I will read this back to myself again just to remind myself of what I deserve… and also that I must never settle.
I have to admit that I have actually been fairly lucky with regards to this since I’ve “re-started” dating over the past weeks. I don’t think I ever got the 1 a.m.“what are you up to?” text, and men generally put an effort in our dates (varying degrees of effort…but still). Having said that, I find that they slip into the “want to come over?” attitude after date 3 or 4, which is generally when I cut it because I don’t like this attitude…does anyone have idea of how to slow this down? How to make them understand that there will be no “come over” unless there is a proper date before that at least until we are a few weeks or even months into dating?
(we could go for dinner/drinks/lunch/run/museum/theater…anything!…and THEN we could end the evening at someone’s place).
I am glad that someone out there is getting good dates and the good men behind them…very encouraging. I should possibly reconsider the type I go for, or go for someone completely different.As for the slowing down of the come~on~over…
I have no idea! It’s as if we have become to relaxed about the whole dating thing and get too familiar too soon. I personally don’t let just anyone into my home… I think you need to be straight and honest with them. Set the boundaries before the time and if they don’t like them…
Well then they are not the one for you!