Growing up, we were taught by our parents, role models, friends, favorite Romantic Novel, and even society, that when in pursuit of a suitor, we shouldn’t be ourselves. On a first date, we should make small talk and avoid major topics like politics, religion, and even exes. We were taught to not eat our entire meal, or order a salad to maintain our feminity. We were taught to laugh at the man’s jokes, even when you’ve heard them before, or they weren’t all that humorous. We were taught to be flirtatious, but not too revealing. To summarize, we were taught to hold back, and put on a front that men find “attractive” or worthy of their approval and attraction to us.
But here’s what I say… screw that. Soon enough they will open the door to the closet that holds your skeletons, and the whole facade you put on, in the beginning, is destroyed.
In a generation where everything seems unknown, and no one knows the truth about anything, why not be honest? Why not say what comes to mind without the “impress the man” filter? Why not show all your skeletons upfront so they know what got you to where you are today? Why not talk about touchy subjects and open the table for discussion? And for the love of all things holy, we should order what we want, and eat however much of it as we want.
I’m a believer and an advocate for the “Brutally Honest” dating method. I believe that we should say what we want to say, expose our weird laugh, tell stories that we find funny, explain our weird theories, talk about our family and where we grew up. Just create an environment where the conversation could go anywhere. Let’s create engaging conversations that expose who we are as people. Let’s talk about who we were, who we are now, and who we want to be. Talk about goals and ambitions. Talk about fears and pet peeves. Talk about your exes. Talk about mistakes you’ve made. Break the rules.
Before we get carried away… I’m not saying to show up in your sweatpants and cuss every other word. Still have class, still, have pride in yourself, and be confident.
I’m not a dating expert. I’m not happily married to the love of my life because I used this method. But, I have opened my “potential suitors” up a lot in terms of communication. I’ve learned a lot. Some dates became meaningful relationships that taught me so much. And some dates were just first dates only, because I found out many red flags, or they found some issues with me. But you know what? That’s just fine because it saved us both time, money, and emotional investment.
So women and men too, let’s be ourselves. Let’s show our dates, ourselves, and the world what we are made of. Let’s stop worrying so much about how we should act and what we should say on our first date, and let’s focus on who we are as people. Pay attention to who is sitting across the table. Learn what they have to offer, and learn what makes them tick. Meanwhile, show them what you have to offer. If it doesn’t work out, it’s probably for the best that it ends now. And if it works out, down the road, it’ll be the best thing in the world, because there are no secrets to be discovered, and no room for dishonesty and deceit. Let’s be honest.