The WTF Week!

As I am sitting here, about to write this post, I am like a dead man walking. I am absolutely stressed the Fuck out after this week.

This week has been a whirlwind of stress, worry, crazy, packing and unpacking a whole lot of other things that needed to be handled.

Tomorrow I start a new week as in the Jewish Calendar  adventure by moving forward and not standing in one place. This will be not first time that I will be rewriting my own path again. This is like an old friend for me and I am very excited about this new chapter in my life!

I think, with everything that had to happen this week, I kind of hit a downer. Lets say I was a little overwhelmed. Okay, a lot overwhelmed.

Yesterday was a bit of a breaking point for me and I had to pull myself together…fall down 7 times, get up 8…right?


I entered this week with an idea called the Vegas has kicked my ass but I’m going to win (It did, of course) and the first WTF was Monday. I started in the morning, but then the stress kept building by the afternoon… I improved my thoughts. One. Its not that my mind gave up, its that my body wouldn’t listen to my mind. I could see in my head how I just couldn’t handle other peoples behavior, so I do what I always do, I shutdown . I could actually see myself slowly imploding but in my heart I wanted to kick certain peoples  asses but I was the one, who’s ass got kicked.


Have you ever wanted something so badly, that it actually hurts? You want it so badly, that you would do anything to get it. That’s how I feel about this whole Vegas thing. I so badly want to be as happy and successful here as what I know I can be. But it seems like every time I make even the slightest of progress, I get pushed back 2 steps.

I am like that nerdy kid that so badly wants to be part of the cool kids, but I am actually just the kid standing on the outside looking in. I think what makes it worse is that this is something that I really love to do and I am good at it. Success does not come easy to me here in Las Vegas and it breaks down my confidence a bit. 

Sometimes it feels like I have to try so hard, for even the slightest change. Not just with work, but with most things.

Maybe I am just throwing myself a little bit of a pity party right now…actually its not a maybe its a definite! 


SO! Enough of that! Here are some pictures. I hope they motivate you a bit on this Friday. 

I will not give up. I just need to regroup and maybe a Hug.



Happy Friday



I shall continue to exist.
I may assume other disguises, other forms,
but I shall try to exist.
Vladimir Nabokov, Pale Fire

Love is a Mother F*cker

Most cynics are really crushed romantics: they’ve been hurt, they’re sensitive, and their cynicism is a shell that’s protecting this tiny, dear part in them that’s still alive.

Cynics are simply thwarted romantics.

“The power of positive thinking” is hardly a complex idea. Positive thinking helps us look on the bright side, which motivates us, gives us confidence in ourselves and lets us radiate happiness to others — all of which are great things.

Sometimes, however, optimism can be a bad thing, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Often, the romance spectrum consists of people who are either cynical about love or are emotionally available for everyone.

Rare are those who have found the perfect middle ground: who can walk away from a heart-wrenching breakup unscathed and OK, who can listen to their hearts and their head equally, who remain the ideal level of attached and unattached in messy situations.

We can’t help whether we are cynics or romantics when it comes to love; it’s just our natural disposition.

And the romance novel of the century, “He’s Just Not That Into You,” tells us that ~ spoiler for all rom~rags coming! ~it’s the hopeful romantic who win in the end. But reality, plagued with actual emotions and consequences, tells us it’s the opposite.

The cynic are more careful with whom they open up to, and the romantic opens up dangerously to everyone.

Cynics are wary of giving their hearts to just anyone. You have to earn the trust of a cynic. Until they give you an inclination that you’ve been let in, you have to continue to prove yourself worthy of their emotions.

Cynics put a lot of work into figuring this out, which ensures that only the best and most reliable people are trusted. Cynics only trust people of high quality.

Hopeful romantics are able to feel emotional towards anyone, at any time. Their feelings hit them without warning, sending them spiraling and approaching obsession in the mere days after an initial meeting.

The romantic are emotionally reckless, fully opening themselves up to anyone, even those who might hurt them. The romantic is frequently exhausted with his or her own emotions.

The cynic are always looking for ways to protect themselves from romance, and the romantic are always running around blind without any armor on.

In romantic pursuits, cynics know that it’s far easier to protect themselves than it is to be vulnerable, so they don’t place such a high value on romance at all.

If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. The cynic is fine either way.

Romantics are addicted to being vulnerable. Their constant spewing of their innermost self, deepest emotions and private thoughts allows them to run around without any level of protection from themselves.

This vulnerability makes them get attached easily and feel distraught if things don’t work out. The romantic is not fine with an ending he or she thinks is unfinished.

The cynics close off easily, and the hopefuls always try to give the benefit of the doubt.

If you’re romantically involved with a cynic and you mess up, prepare to feel the wrath of your decision for weeks, months or even years. Cynics are convinced that you’ll do it again, so they close off very easily to prevent any further hurt.

The cynic can easily run away in the face of complicated situations to successfully avoid pain. This ability is truly invaluable.

Hopeful romantics, however, will forgive you over and over again. Contrary to cynics, romantics are convinced that you’ll never do that terrible thing again, even if you’ve proven that you will.

Because the romantic aim to see the good in everyone, they continue to give chances to people who hurt them in the past. Romantics don’t know when to say no, which only further hurts them.

The cynic are better prepared for heartbreak, and the romantic are always shocked by it.

The cynic are always prepared for the worst. They enter into relationships cautiously, taking very careful steps to avoid pain and even anticipating there will be pain.

This allows the cynic to maintain a distance from their partners, which, in the event of a breakup or fight, means cynic will probably come out OK. After all, the pain would come eventually.

The romantic are never prepared for the worst. They enter into relationships with full force, spewing every detail about their personal lives and doing whatever they can to get close as quickly as possible.

From the get~go, this run toward intimacy only makes expectations in the relationship skyrocket, which, in the event of a breakup or fight, means the romantic will be shocked that something bad could happen. This unexpected pain deeply jolts them.

The cynic are aware of real problems in a relationship, and the romantic looks past all the faults.

The cynic are able to look past their emotions to recognize problems in a relationship, which means they can make rational decisions about how to handle issues that may arise before they get worse.

Because, well, if they do get worse, the cynic can run away to protect him/herself.

Romantics are so focused on the idea that everything will be OK that they tend to ignore important problems, which, obviously, will just catch up with them later.

The cynic gets hurt less frequently, and the romantic are always getting hurt.

Every time the cynic plays out romantic scenarios in their head, they see themselves ending with tears, pain and rejection. To avoid that inevitable, soul~crushing pain, cynics simply disengage emotionally. This causes less frequent pain.

Every time the hopeful play out romantic scenarios in their heads, they see themselves ending with wedding bells and last name changes.

To reach that beautiful, electrifying finale, the romantic hopeful constantly catapult themselves toward love. Pain is a defining factor of the romantic’s life.

The cynic at their worst are called “distant” and the romantic at their worst are called “crazy”.

So are you, the one who wears their “heart on their sleeve?” or are you the heart is “locked and the key thrown away?”.

Partner in Crime

You don’t want to live your life and then meet someone. You want to share your life with someone. That’s what I’m missing right now.




“It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.”

— Chuck Palahniuk